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Tutorial Tuesday: Polymer Clay Cane Edition

Tutorial time tonight lead me to the wild world of polymer clay.  I wanted to make super cutie lime slices!  To the YouTube-verse I went to find a tutorial and spent a lot of time just trying to find one that I could stand to watch.  Not surprising, I chose one without anyone trying to talk  in it.

So cute!  So easy!  How much fun will this be?

So I got started.  I thought the hardest part was going to be mashing the two colors together to get a pale green juicy looking fruit flesh color.  I was sort of right.

MASH, DAMN YOU! MASH!

It is hard to do and maybe I quit before the color was light enough to really say “fruit flesh” but I am an impatient crafter sometimes.  That’s just a lie.  I got lazy and annoyed and color mashing.  There I said it.  But, once that was handled it seemed pretty smooth sailing and before I knew it I had a relatively lime shaped contraption, just like in the movies!

Sort of. Yes, I missed a step. Hush, you. We can't all be perfect. There's no white inside the outer green skin layer for you forgiving folks who refuse to see errors in my work. For that, I love you.

Then came the rolling and what seems to just be unfortunately inevitable with 1 out of 3 craft projects that I attempt to involve myself in:

MOTHER F#@*ING BUTTHOLE!

WHY ON THIS TERRIFYING PLANET IS IT ALWAYS BUTTHOLES?   I just can’t seem to make it NOT be buttholes.  I just don’t understand.  Needless to say I was a little worried as to how the rest of this bull mess was going to turn out.  So I sallied-forth and tried to cut me some slices of my first attempt at a cane and with trepidation saw the fruits of my labor.  Pardon the pun.  Or don’t.  Eat it up, you know you want to.

Bringing you 1/3-Not-Complete-Crapulence Cane

Five.   Five pieces of the WHOLE DAMN THING turned out somewhat acceptable in that they didn’t look like a 4 year old was playing with playdoh and just randomly sticking white bits to green bits in a semi-organized fashion.  Five.  The butthole was my doom as far as I can tell.  So I did what I intended to do and made them into buttons which may or may not be used for their intended purpose.  I’m leaning towards may not.

Nobody loves you, pseudo-limes. You look ridiculous.

To finish, like any mature adult would do, I smashed the rest of the pieces into an unrecognizable ball of limehate and threw it into a container.  Not even a proper container, its like an old butter tub thingie.  Not even real butter, its olive oil spread.  Take that, fail-lime.  Hah.

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