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Knitting is Bullshit: A Dog Sweater Story

For some ungodly reason, I took it upon myself to learn how to knit.  I’ve always crocheted and believed firmly that you do not cross those streams.  But I knew plenty of people who did both so I figured why not me?

After a few (ok, a lot) restarts and putting most of the patterns I’d found into a Try-Again-When-You-Aren’t-Brand-New-At-This pile, I came across what seemed like a straight-forward dog sweater pattern from Lion Brand.  Cute, right?  Ozlin would LOVE a sweater, don’t all dogs?

So onward I plunged.  I didn’t want to just knit-stitch into infinity, so I did it in stockinette stitch with the help of ye old YouTube and Wool And the Gang (that I adore for its clear tutorials and general awesomeness).  Also I pish-poshed the whole knit a gauge swatch, I think specifically because the pattern called for it in such an unfriendly CAPS LOCKED text.  Rude.

Bam! Dog Sweater.

Things that I’ve learned about knitting:

  1. Do not drop stitches, you don’t know how to fix that shit
  2. Always try to use the recommended yarn weight and needle size, they do this for a reason
  3. ALWAYS (rude) check the damn gauge

Because if you do not obey Rules 2 and 3, you will spend a whole lot of time knitting something that is the wrong damn size.  Example:

Miserable Dog in Too Tight Sweater

Why won't you look at me?!

Luckily, Ozlin is a trooper and will suffer through anything that I make her suffer through.  Golly, she would look cute if the thing fit.  Poor darling, her fat neck was just oozing out of the too-tight neck hole.  She wore the shit out of it though for five whole minutes before the inevitable happened.

Rusty happened. He always does.

Of course I paused momentarily in progress to check my actual measurements against what the pattern said I should have and was woefully uneasy.  I knew it wasn’t right and had to force myself to even look at it.  Still I soldiered on, determined to complete a knitting project and swore that if the sweater didn’t fit Oz after all of my work, I was going to make a cat wear it.  I am a woman of my word.

Wrong time, wrong place, Pickles.

I think I will try some crochet.  There are a few things I’ve been wanting to make while I wait to get more green yarn for the Granny Squares of Doom and I could really use a yarn-win.


One response »

  1. Disclaimer: My mom DID try to teach me how to knit some many many moons ago, like a decade maybe but the lesson didn’t stick. I thank her for my success in not being completely in the dark about what I was supposed to be doing. I thank YouTube for the rest.


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